I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had to cum in my sink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
