We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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