Where is the hickey?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
