But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
