I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
