she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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