when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Congratulations! We have a period
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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