Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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