i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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