You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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