i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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