I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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