He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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