Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
