Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
