Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
