It's Friday. Sex?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
