you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
