I am puke
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
