Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
