They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
