a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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