Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
