You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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