I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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