if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
