I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
