Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
