im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
