Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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