Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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