I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
