I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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