Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
