I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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