see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
