somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
