Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
