just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
