take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
