Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
