My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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