I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
