either way he was missing a nipple.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
