How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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