i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
