Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
