So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
