Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
