apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
