i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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